Sex, we can talk about it

The subject of sexual intimacy, even within the realm of marriage, has always been a “taboo” subject for me. I came from a conservative upbringing that even though we know some concept of sex and “how babies were made”, my parents never took the time to explain it to us. This lack of support and guidance from my parents gave me the impression that it was not to be spoken of, especially as an important part of preparing for marriage.

In one of the readings this week, Dr. Sean E. Brotherson, the state extension family life specialist at North Dakota State University in Fargo, North Dakota, related that the first problem that people, especially married persons encounter about sexual intimacy is the lack of proper knowledge about its meaning and purpose. He said, “Ignorance is the first enemy of sexual fulfillment in marriage.” Dr. Brotherson even said that this unawareness leads to many more marital issues like, “couple communication and caring” which in turn “leads often to insecurity, anxiety, frustration, anger, emotional alienation, and even divorce.”1

Divorce as a result of ignorance, who wants that? Definitely not me!

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But I’m happy to say that there are plenty of great advice and holy counsel from church leaders so we can overcome the challenge of ignorance.

The first one that jumped out at me was the idea that sexual intimacy is part of our commitment to our marriage. It is a sign of giving “ourselves” to our union. President Hugh B. Brown, who served as a counselor in the First Presidency said that, “The sex instinct is not something which we need to fear or be ashamed of. It is God-given and has a high and holy purpose.”2 There is a divine intention for it,  but ONLY if it is experienced within the bonds of marriage.

The second idea about sexual intimacy is the responsibility we have to the level of sexual fulfillment in our marriage. Just like the other stewardships that we have on this earth, our duty to make sexual intimacy a success within matrimony lies within us and not to be blamed on our partners. Brent A. Barlow, an associate professor of Family Science at BYU, said that, “. . . neither the husband nor the wife alone control the physical relationship, that both are diligent in their commitment to each other, and that both have a nurturing attitude toward the other.”3

The third concept that I have found comfort in was how even though part of the purpose of sexual intimacy within marriage is to “multiply and replenish the earth”, Latter-day prophets reminds us that there was no specific law within the gospel that states how many children a couple should have to fulfill this purpose. President Gordon B. Hinkley stated that, “The Lord has told us to multiply and replenish the earth that we might have joy in our posterity, and there is no greater joy than the joy that comes of happy children in good families. But he did not designate the number, nor has the church. That is a sacred matter left to the couple and the Lord.”4

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It might be uncomfortable to talk about S-E-X out loud but if we study its divine aspects and  refer to it within the bounds that is acceptable in marriage, we will learn that this physical connection is vital to a happy and successful marriage.

Resources:

1  Brotherson, S. (2003). Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage. Meridian Magazine.

2 Brotherson, S. (2003). Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage. Meridian Magazine.

3 Barlow, B. (1986, September). They Twain Shall Be One: Thoughts on Intimacy in Marriage. Ensign.

4 Hinckley, Gordon Bitner. Cornerstones of a Happy Home. Salt Lake City, UT: Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1984. Print