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The Wedding industry in America is booming with a reported revenue of $60 billion annually. An average nuptial in 2015 cost roughly about $31,000.(1)
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On the flipside, divorce continues to rise in this country. "For the first marriages recently formed, between 40-50 percent are likely to end in divorce." (2) These statistics don't include the impact of divorce to the individual families, especially to the children, as well as its effect on society.
I find it alarming to think that people are shelling out enormous amounts of money for their "one special day" and yet not put the same amount of effort, money and energy in staying married.
Going pass the "I do" is not a cake walk by any means and having been married for 14 years myself, I have had my share of challenges. It also needs to be said that sometimes divorce is the only option for toxic relationships. President Faust points out that ending a marriage is justified when "a prolonged and apparently irredeemable relationship which is destructive of a person’s dignity as a human being." is present.(3)
In fact I wouldn't be married to my husband today have it not for the blessing of divorce. He was married before I met him. Unfortunately, through acts of infidelity from his ex wife, that marriage had to end. It was a tough time for my husband, but he stayed strong in his faith, Eventually, God heard his prayers. We met a year after the divorce was finalized and was married a few months later at the Los Angeles LDS Temple.
Staying within the commitment of marriage requires work and faith. It is the most challenging, and yet rewarding relationship one can ever be a part of. Even harder than our individual partnership with the Lord. This union between a man and a woman entails understanding, patience, unconditional love, faith, and acceptance.
If you think about how both of these parties come from two different homes. These backgrounds are a direct cause of differing life views and personalities. And yet, in a marriage, they are to be ONE. One is spirit, name and bank accounts!
But there is a way for the wedded bliss to continue on long after the wedding bells have been rung.
Elder Dallin H. Oaks gave a powerful message about divorce in the April 2007 General Conference. In it he provided counsel on ways we can keep our marriage in tact and far away from the direction of divorce.
Some of them include the following:
1. As much as possible, don't even entertain the idea of divorce within your marriage. He said "The kind of marriage required for exaltation—eternal in duration and godlike in quality—does not contemplate divorce."
2. Repentance is the key and not divorce. According to Elder Oaks, "I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation. Divorce is not an all-purpose solution, and it often creates long-term heartache."
3. Don't give up and have faith. He said "We do not give up. While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again. . . if we seek Him, the Lord will help us and heal us."
4. Do your best to think of your spouse's happiness first and if possible forgive. To the last one, Elder Oaks said, "Don’t treasure up past wrongs, reprocessing them again and again. In a marriage relationship, festering is destructive; forgiving is divine ."
5. Work together. The apostle of the Lord said, "If you are already descending into the low state of marriage-in-name-only, please join hands, kneel together, and prayerfully plead for help and the healing power of the Atonement. Your humble and united pleadings will bring you closer to the Lord and to each other and will help you in the hard climb back to marital harmony."
6. And finally he counsels us that staying away from the possibility of divorce needs to start in the dating process. He said, "The best way to avoid divorce from an unfaithful, abusive, or unsupportive spouse is to avoid marriage to such a person." This is done by proper dating practices, having enough time to get to know each other, as well as the family. (4)
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There is no such thing as a perfect marriage because there are no perfect people in this world. However one can still have a "happy" marriage if he/she are committed to working hard everyday to maintain a positive relationship with his/her spouse. Love, understanding, acceptance and patience are some key attributes needed for this special union. If they work at it together and always remember the love that started it all, a husband and wife can be successful beyond the "I do".
Sources:
1. Wedding Services in the US: Market Research Report, http://www.ibisworld.com/
2. State of Our Unions 2012; The National Marriage Project
3. President Faust; "Father, Come Home,"Ensign, May 1993, 35.
4. Elder Oaks: "Divorce" Liahona, May 2007
