Pride and Influence in a Marriage

President Benson’s “Beware of Pride”1 talk was very powerful to me. I know of pride before but when he mentioned that, “Pride is a very misunderstood sin, and many are sinning in ignorance” it made me really think about how I am controlling my own pride tendencies and if I’m falling trap to it without even really knowing it. I also liked when he mentioned pride as a competition to the will of God. He said that, “Our will in competition to God’s will allows desired, appetites, and passions to go unbridled.” As I ponder on that thought, it made me think of the word “control and discipline”. If I allow myself to be uncontrolled and undisciplined in my wants, say in food or shopping, then I’m already committing the sin of pride. It’s in the little things that I can see myself really falling trap to pride tendencies and his talk helped me to be more conscious about it.

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Accepting influence for me really depends on the person that I’m to be influenced by. For example is with our finances. I came from a home where money wasn’t regulated and “want” versus “need” purchases weren’t really controlled. When I married my husband, it all changed. I was working then but I still had to have a set allowance per week. At first it was hard for me to grasp this. In my mind, I’m working, why can’t I have access to my hard earned money? But then we bought the car that I had always wanted and the responsibility of paying the high monthly payments for it allowed me to see that not all of my wants warrant the responsibility that comes along with it. From then on, we would weigh big purchases together and justify the cost.

There are some other people in my life that can influence me, however, I don't see that their choices and ideals  have led them to a better life. I believe that trust in my husband and his example has led me to easily accept his influence. I respect his opinions and have seen how his belief in faith, finances, and even politics do makes sense. That is not to say that we don’t have disagreements. But over the years, I’ve seen firsthand how his healthy habits and financial discipline has led him to a better life and that’s what I want for myself as well.

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My biggest takeaway from this lesson came from Bro. Goddard's book. He said that the "natural man is inclined to love himself and fix others."2 That struck a strong cord to me cause I tend to try to "fix" things. If I see a problem (in my point of view) then I'm in "fix it" mode. Until I read that, I didn't realize that this mentality is a form of pride. Most of the time that is directed to my kids and my husband. I loved how you said about micromanaging.

So for me to ensure that pride is in check, I will be more humble and be conscientious/aware if I'm presenting some natural man tendencies to fix things. I think that that's my first priority. And if I fall into that trap (which I'm sure I will some days) I need to repent. I'm so glad that we have classes and lessons like this that not only help us understand the human behavior but gives us opportunities to look inward and make ourselves better people.

Resource:
1. President Ezra T. Benson, "Beware of Pride," Ensign, May 1989, 4-7.
2.Goddard, H. (2009). Drawing Heaving into Your Marriage. Cedar Hills, UT: Joymap Publishing.