You Cannot Buy Love

In Poduska’s 1 chapters about financial challenges within a marriage, I was reminded about the underlying reasons of why a person makes certain financial decisions. These choices are greatly influenced by his or her childhood experiences, even their birth order. I am the second to the oldest, and although I have certain characteristics of a “second born”, I also found some aspects of the first born and the middle born in me. When I was growing up, I was more of the controller than my older sister was. I organized our activities and even directed how each sibling was to do their chore. Everyone in my family knows that I can get a bit controlling and they’ve learned to live with my high expectations.

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I believe that I have taken that same “control issues” in my marriage. Fortunately for me, the control issues do not spill over the finances. That is where my husband is an expert on and I totally trust him with our money. He does get my input, especially with the big purchases but with the everyday tallying up of income and expenses, he’s the guy that does it for our family.

Another thing that I really liked about Poduska’s thoughts on finances is the idea that you cannot buy love. The author said, “Whether another person is happy, sad, loving, or rejecting is a choice that person makes; it is not within your power to generate those feelings.” As a parent, I can easily use material things as a sign of showing my children love. However with this quote, it shows that it doesn’t help anyone to feel better if I shower him/her with gifts and material things. My attempt of showing love through tangible items will not lead to lasting and real love.

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The last idea that I have gained from Poduska’s book is the idea that, “you can never get enough of what you don’t need, because what you don’t need can never satisfy you.” This is very insightful, especially in our day where everything is so easily purchased/gained without too much work. A swipe of a card or a “charge” notion can get you anything that you desire. It’s in the understanding of what you need versus what you want is what will help a person curb their desires, especially in purchasing items.

Elder Maxwell once said, “Life’s necessary defining moments come within our allotments, and we make “on the record” choices within these allotments. Our responses are what matter. Sufficient unto each life are the tests thereof!”2

Contentment, especially in our material allotments, is very important in a marriage that is a combination of two differing cultures and traditions. We all have our agency, and being satisfied with whatever we have, making sure that we do not use material things as our “love language”, and having good communications regarding money without our respective spouses is what will create success within our marriages.

Resources:

1. Poduska, B. (2000). Till Debt do us Part, (Chapter 2). Salt Lake City, Utah: Shadow Mountain
2. Maxwell, N. A. (2000, April). Content with the Things Allotted unto Us - Neal A. Maxwell. Retrieved July 11, 2016, from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2000/04/content-with-the-things-allotted-unto-us?lang=eng