Fondness and Admiration

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My personal insight about love maps have increased greatly because of reading Gottman's "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work", especially chapters 4 and 5. I have come to the realization of how important it is to continually foster the friendship with your spouse. I also realized that people can get into a rut and how vital it is to reconnect with your spouse on a regular basis. I think that not giving time for our wife/husband is a major challenge in a marriage’s love map overtime. When we don’t go on dates or even just to talk, we lose the ability to stay connected to our partners. I believe that each person one earth has that need to share our “stories” with someone and if a married person is not doing that with their spouse, then that person will go to someone else and get into an emotional intimacy with the wrong individual.

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When I learned about the importance of nurturing my fondness and admiration within the marriage, the thing that stood out to me the most was about how these things relate to respect. I have never put those three things together but it does make sense. According to the Gottman’s book he said that when a wife/husband has built a fondness and admiration with his/her spouse then he/she thinks that the spouse is “worthy of honor and respect.”1 For me that’s a powerful statement. I think about fondness as “like” and therefore not as deep as honor and respect but these feelings built upon each other. They create the strong foundation for honor and respect, especially during the tough times.

Another aspect of fondness and admiration that I have valued this week is how it curbs the tendencies for criticism. A peer of mine suggested that we think things through before saying something. I am definitely weak in that aspect, especially with my family. I am one of those people that want to "fix" a problem right away and sometimes that involves criticizing others for the way they do things. The assignment this week of nurturing positive thoughts has really helped me "curb" my need to give constructive criticism. It make me stop and do a bit of analyzation first before I open my mouth. It's a small and subtle activity but it is making a big impact to my week.

Resource:
1. Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (n.d.). The seven principles for making marriage work.